


The X-Rated Elf On A Shelf

by girl_next_door_writes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 19:37:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16898682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl_next_door_writes/pseuds/girl_next_door_writes
Summary: The appearance of a mystery elf on the shelf causes chaos in the bunker but who is really behind it?





	The X-Rated Elf On A Shelf

It started innocently enough as these things often do. On the 1st of December, you had all discovered a small elf doll on the kitchen table with a note saying that his name was ‘Buddy’ and he would be bringing you all some much needed Christmas cheer. You had all looked at each other curiously but none of you would admit you were behind it. As the days went on it became a game to see who could find the damned sprite each morning and you began not to care which of the Winchesters was responsible, it was definitely brightening up your day.

In the run-up to Christmas however, something changed. Rubbing the back of your neck you wandered into the kitchen in search of coffee to find a marshmallow explosion. Sitting in the middle of the chaos on the kitchen counter was Buddy, a message spelled out in mini marshmallows. “DEAN! SAM!” you yelled and waited until you heard their heavy footfall hurrying towards you. 

“What the…?” Sam muttered as he took in the state of the kitchen.

“Which one of you did this?” you ask, pointing at the message.

“Emma is so fucking hot.” Dean read over your shoulder and grinned. “I’m not gonna disagree with the elf. Nice one Sammy.”

“It’s not my doing!” Sam protested and you looked from one to the other.

“Well, it sure as shit ain’t me so I’m not cleaning this up.” You huff and flounce out of the kitchen leaving the brothers having one of their silent conversations.

Each morning you little ‘buddy’ had surprised you with similar messages in various sweet treats including chocolate syrup. Your heart sank when Sam called out that he had found the damned thing, wondering what today’s message would be. Wandering into the garage you saw Dean doubled over in fits of laughter and a smirk on Sams' face. Rolling your eyes you cast a glance at the stupid toy sat on baby's hood with a candy cane between its legs and the words ‘Emma want to suck on this?’ written in a white powder that you suspected was icing sugar. “Bit too small for me but nice try boys.” You smile thinly, grabbing the candy before heading to the library. 

Sam found you later reading through some ancient tome sucking on the candy absentmindedly. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” You don’t even look up at him as he pulls a chair out and sits beside you studying your face.

“Really?” his voice is low and with a sigh, you meet his eye.

“Look, I know you and Dean are just having a bit of a laugh but I’m starting to feel like I’m the butt of the joke.” There was a pleading in your eyes that made Sam feel so bad about the whole thing.

“I’ll talk to him. Get him to tone it down.” He assured you, placing his hand on yours.

“So it’s Dean then?” Your eyes search his face, looking for any indication that it’s a lie.

“Well, it’s not me.” Sam frowned and you smiled.

“I’m not sure if I should be happy or hurt at that disgusted tone, Sam.” You laugh returning to your reading.

Feeling rather refreshed after a good nights sleep you were humming as you practically skipped to the bathroom. Your happiness was short lived however because sitting there on the sink was that damned elf. Only this time it wasn’t a candy stick between his legs. 

‘If you don’t want to suck on my candy cane maybe you’d prefer a ride on this…’ was scrawled on the mirror in lipstick and you glared at it. Firstly, an elf riding a rampant rabbit vibrator is a disturbing sight and secondly… well, that was your vibrator meaning someone had been snooping through your things. Grabbing the stupid doll you flung it across the room before picking up your rabbit and tossing it into the trash. There’s no way you could even think about using that again knowing one of the Winchesters had manhandled it. Wiping the words from the mirror you also realised that your favourite lipstick was now ruined too. Blazing with rage you picked up the elf and stormed down the corridor and into the kitchen where the brothers were. “ENOUGH!! I DON’T KNOW WHICH ONE OF YOU IT IS BUT ENOUGH!” You hurled the elf across the room, nearly missing Deans head and spinning on your heels stomped back to have a shower.

You had become to dread getting out of bed each morning and when you heard Dean yelling your name you, your stomach churned and you wanted nothing more than to bury yourself under your covers. His calls became more insistent and you dragged yourself from the safety of your room and headed to find out what the elf had been up to today. 

Pausing in the doorway of the library you could see Dean and Sam by the table where the elf was sat clutching an envelope. As you drew nearer you could see that whatever it held was addressed to you. “If this is a gift certificate for some sex shop I swear I’m gonna kill the pair of you.” You warn as you picked up the envelope and carefully open it. Inside was a note scrawled in the most ornate handwriting.

‘My dearest Emma,

I am sorry if I have upset you I just wanted you to know how you make me feel. Maybe if I was a real boy you might take me up on my offers. I shall make a special Christmas wish and see if it will come true.

All my love

Buddy.’

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?” you mutter to yourself as you pass Sam the note.

“Seems someone has a crush on you.” He said, looking at his brother curiously. 

“Well, I’m going for a shower.” You announced, turning to leave.

“You want to keep this?” Sam offered the piece of paper back to you but you just shook your head and walked away. Whichever one of them was playing this stupid game was gonna have a huge apology to make.

You woke the next morning with a groan. You used to love Christmas. Seriously, it was your favourite time of the year but since that malevolent sprite had invaded the bunker you had lost your Christmas spirit. Stretching out you considered just staying put but unfortunately, your bladder hadn’t got the memo. After your bathroom break you figured as you were up you may as well grab some breakfast and headed to the kitchen. Opening the door you froze. Sitting in a chair at the table with its back to you was a giant elf. A high pitched scream escaped you which only grew louder when the elf actually moved. He jumped up and rushed over to you, a look of panic on his face and only when your eyes met those achingly familiar whiskey coloured ones did your scream stop. 

“Surprise.” He smiled sheepishly.

“You?”

“Me.” The grin on his face told you just how proud he was of this stunt.

“It…it was you?” The realisation was gradually sinking in and all the confusion and anger you had felt over the past few weeks made its way to the surface.

“All me.” He said softly. You nodded at him and then slapped him across that beautiful face of his. “OW! What was that for?” he rubbed his cheek and looked at you, eyes full of hurt.

“What the hell were you thinking!?!”

“I was thinking it would be a rather sweet and original way to tell you I like you?” His statement came out as more of a question and he flinched slightly, expecting you to hit him again.

“You’re an idiot.” You sigh, lightly shaking your head.

“But I’m your idiot.” The angel smiled hopefully.


End file.
